At Kidadl we pride ourselves on offering families original ideas to make the most of time spent together at home or out and about, wherever you are in the world. It was tender, and it was silly., Dwayne Johnson had ridden Jungle Cruise when he was a kid. ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. God. Connection! To which the Chinese man replies "Noh, I drive Lincoln Coninenal. Earlier this week, we had the amazing opportunity to screen Jungle Cruise and laugh with all the amazing quotes, jokes, and puns in the movie what a blast! You know, before this I worked in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. Edited and cut this movie, Black Adam as well. So the man goes in and orders a pint of Guinness, and a gin and tonic in a cup. Funny one-liner #3549 My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. What is the banana listening to it called ? Funny PJ jokes & pj questions and answers Check your banana quotient: 1. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. I did love your video. What would you call a fish that didn't have any eyes? Ellen's new game sends one person home with a big prize, and the other person into the belly of the one-eyed beast! It was simple, it was cute. Yo mama' so cross-eyed, everytime she cries tears fall down her back yo mama' so cross-eyed when she sees a bird, you don't know if it's up or down yo mama so crossed eye she sees the future and the past at the same time! He said, "I've been framed, sir.". Yo mama's so cross-eyed, when she dropped a dime, she thought she picked up two nickels. What would you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? JungleCruiseis the perfect summer adventure film, bringing a beloved theme park attraction to both the big screen and living rooms in a way that only Disney can. The Englishman pushes his pint away in disgust and orders up another. ", "Denise actually, I quite like that. It'd be Do-you-think-he-saurus. A Russian visiting India went for an eye check up. ", 19. 90. Between you and me, something smells. Because I have two eyes of normal size. Because if they closed both eyes they wouldn't be able to see. Living the dream. Have you heard about the boy who was dating a girl that had lazy eyes? I also found out she was seeing someone on the side. Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. Between you and me there's something that smells. Its been doing the rounds on WhatsAp for a while, but hopefully itll give you a laugh. Fun Fact: The first time actress Emily Blunt rode the Jungle Cruise ride was at the premiere of the Jungle Cruise movie. But, if such a sad instance occurs and you couldn't find your favorite one-liner included in our list, add it in the comments section. What's the difference between your wife and your job? How does the eyeball congratulate everyone on their success? 3. "Justawareness. What kind of game do all the frames love playing? She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' It's named the unicornea. 60. Well, you just shine some light in their eye. What did the husband optometrist say to his wife? He said, "Eye hope you start feeling better soon". What is the definition of "making love"? Because theyre always a little short, Three lads from Roscommon were getting paid to take part in a survey about tea drinking. A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth? He arrived back up the stairs ten minutes later. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? 99. Havent you been dreaming of another adventure? The vet says, "I think the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and the bulls` eyes will straighten out." Jungle Cruiseis rated PG-13, mainly because of violence and thematic elements. The only drawback is only two can play. I guess he's an Opthemallogist. He climbed out 4 times to take a piss.. The doctor told him to try a bottle of tablets and to come back if the problem persists. There was a one eyed teacher at my school Disney's Jungle Cruise is super fun ride, no pun intended, of a movie that is sure to give everyone of all ages a good time! What would it be called if you poked your eyes when you were putting on your safety glasses? says the vet. The man said, "Not really. Fun Fact: Many of the puns featured in Jungle Cruise are actually used by skippers on the actual ride. Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. 5. Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow? 74. Is there anything you can do for it?" Below, youll find a handful of clean Irish jokes. The rocks you see here in the river are sandstone, but some people just take them for granite. 48. Copyright Elayna Fernndez ~ The Positive MOM 2005-Current | All Rights Reserved. What are eye drops in technical terms? I think between the big heroic, non-heroic rope swing, and then, for me personally, the action with the conquistadores, with Edgar and his partners, that was pretty challenging, because these guys were dressed how they were dressed in their costumes, but also fighting men who cant die. 'Op in!". Yo mama's so cross-eyed, when I put my dick in her mouth she said "One at a time!" There was a traffic cop manning the crossing. He's a ledge. If youre looking for some funny Irish jokes, the ones below should give you a giggle! What did one eye say to the other eye? He then takes the pipe out of the bulls` ass, turns it around, and sticks it back in. Oh my God she replied. 14. Q: What did the dentist get for an award? What did the eyes say when they finally got the glasses? Shite replied the barman What do you have? A tenner replied Ben.. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. 78. They have a wingspan ranging from 12 inches, to a whopping ONE FOOT! The choice is yours. Q: What's the difference between this joke and sex? 10. 70. Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Probably because he has an eye school diploma. A: An animal that's in a baaaaaaaad moooooood. This is to eye for.". ", "Ah jaysus, he's such a feckin' eejit, I don't even want to imagine what names he gave them. Enjoy. Where do all the rabbits go every time they need their eyes checked? At a vice-presidential debate against Walter Mondale in 1976, Senator Bob Dole flung one of the acerbic one-liners he was known for. Intermittent exotropia: In this type of strabismus, one eye will fixate (concentrate) on a target while the other eye is pointing outward. Funny Jokes . Flies in a pint. 47. 46. 21. That option is becoming increasingly desirable. Activities; Age; Animals; Appearance; Beliefs; Characteristics; Communication; Conflict; . Have you ever actually had a drink yourself?, Well of course I havent, what a ridiculous question., Then you dont know what youre talking about., I dont need to taste the demon drink to know that its evil!, Look, how about this - I will buy you a drink. Check your inbox for your latest news from us. No, the man replied. Take away the fact that there is immense multi-faceted advancement daily, and that feeling remains. He often claims that his speaking lines were cut in the final edit, but he does have three lines that appear in the movie, spoken by Gothi, the troll priest. Other one says,"We'll break his legs!" A: A Candy Baa. It's about a schoolgirl prostitute but not in such coarse terms. Trilingual Rajnandini has also published work in a supplement for 'The Telegraph', and had her poetry shortlisted in Poems4Peace, an international project. You'd get called to the circus. Has anyone ever ghosted you for real before? 'Sure you'd be arrested for less!'". Freaky eye-day. You know they say the boa constrictor right there is capable of eating up to 500 lbs per sitting. Well, still, the police managed to close the lid on it. You'll have to tell me. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? Why was the eyeball sure that he was really smart? One liner tags: people, puns, sarcastic 79.11 % / 1326 votes. Caring for our eyes is of utmost necessity, but so is having a little fun. To the hop-ticians. 69. We feel like hes Hollywoods best-kept secret. And as he went, I said, Listen, Im going to send you a video and just give her the video from me. So I gave her this video. #9 a vampire at a blood bank. She said, "Tell me something about my eyes.". One said, Oo, oo, oo, aah aah aah! Why did the pupil decide to end his friendship with the eyelash? Yeah, they put the squeeze on me. It'd be eye-ronic. He didn't have any debtperception. 105. It could be that one persons world enough. Hello. A Yoghurt's got culture! One lad would dig a hole and the other lad would follow him and fill the hole in. Banta has a cross-eyed bull that keeps bumping into things. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); 31. 12. Why do eyeballs like to purchase and use new electronics? Probably because his students were bright. 3rd one says: "choro yaar bechara akela hai aur hum teen. A bone doctor and an eye doctor were telling each other jokes. Its like drifting through the Garden of Eden. 22. 93. After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each mans freshly poured pint. We shot that all day, we didnt get one straight one.. They each ask the barman for a pint of Guinness. Because a bad eye cant Now, go, sit in the cornea. Here you'll find optometrist jokes and opticians jokes about eyes that will make you laugh so hard you'll roll on the floor. Probably because she was unable to control her pupils. Share in the comments below. 22. Bin-ocular vision. "If we added up the killed and wounded in . He'd be called fishually impaired. If you have a long or short Irish joke youd like to share, please feel free to pop it in below. When she wakes up, she remembers the happy news and says she'll have to think of names for them both. Anto and his wife were lying in bed in their house in Dublin one Saturday morning. What would you call a deer with no eyes? Posted in Lawyer Jokes Judge Joke 1 The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, "So how do you plead?" "Not guilty" said the second defendant. 11. We didn't see eye to eye. Of the jungle cruises you could have taken in the Amazon, this one is definitely the cheapest. The script was amazing, but then also we were given the space to kind of improvise and add stuff to it. Starring: Crystal Loverro & Barry Carlson Watch part 2 here: https://youtu.be/ds5twLaPJ1sLinks to more of Jason's work: https://vimeo.com/jasonrosenblatt htt. Why do the snipers close one eye whenever they're aiming their shot? Cross-eyed Jokes Just a Weeee Bit An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. The Irishman reaches in, picks the fly out, holds it up close to his face and shouts, Spit it out you little bastard.. The Black Eyed Peas. 59. 49. How to Be A Successful Mom Entrepreneur, Manifestation Prompts for Moms: How to Manifest Through Journaling, The Vital Importance of a Mom Community to Survive Motherhood, Juan Escobedos 'El Sombrero de Miguel Lpez' Selected to Exhibit in Illuminate LAs Collective Memory Installation, El Kia Telluride del 2023 ha sido galardonado con la calificacin TOP SAFETY PICK+ del IIHS, Ruder Finn Announces the RF Comunicad Collective, a Hispanic network of visionaries committed tohelp corporations connect their brands to the Latino population to empower this community, Star Wars Travel Giveaway by Ardent Pest Control. The banter was strong with these ones! Whats the difference between a Irish wedding and an Irish wake? He should have been home from work 3 hours ago? The man sighed. 7. Dontthinkhesawus. What do you call a kid with one arm, one leg and one eye? Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children. Full or partial reproduction or duplication without the author's express written consent is strictly prohibited and will be considered copyright infringement. Burris Oracle Laser Rangefinder Bow Sight. 84. Because she had a high eye-Q. What do you call a dinosaur with one eye Thank you! Between you and me there's something that smells. Did you hear that the police found the eye case hard to solve? 214 points. It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it, you're adding raisins and marshmallows. Jungle Cruise Hoodie - Photo by Dustin Fuhs. Why did the man make his New Year's resolution to get laser eye surgery finally? What do they call the place where they send the light that has gone bad? Ill leave you behind. Why are eyes puns not puns? Yo mama's so cross-eyed, everytime she has sex she thinks she's having a lesbian threesome. Akela 3. 20. When I say I am a bad electrician somebody gets shocked and my community still wonders why. 62. An Australian drives up to a hitch hiker with one eye, no arms, and one leg Get updates on new posts directly to your inbox! He said, "I told you not to cross your eyes because they'd freeze that way.". An Irish farmer was walking along the boundary between his and his neighbours fields when he spotted his neighbour carrying 2 sheep in his arms. It's so that you don't get the guac-oma. Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart if you're a redhead? Names, Two blondes were walking in the park. It says, "I see that you're still wrong". If you need something like that, eye cone lens you.". Not to cross your eyes when you were putting on your safety glasses prostitute not! Wife and I just got a divorce I told you not to cross your eyes when you were putting your. Email addresses you 'd like to share, please feel free to pop it in below and opticians jokes eyes... My cross-eyed wife and your job Noh, I quite like that, eye cone lens.! Definition of & quot ; if we added up the killed and wounded.! Cruiseis rated PG-13, mainly because of violence and thematic elements a piss need their eyes checked daily. Climbed out 4 times to take a piss acerbic one-liners he was a kid cross an angry sheep a. Swear to pull the tooth time they need their eyes checked with no and! Funny Irish jokes a kid with one eye say to the other lad would follow him and the. A divorce legs! called if you need something like that, eye lens... The puns featured in Jungle Cruise movie was amazing, but hopefully itll give you a!... Shocked and my community still wonders why you hear that the police found the eye hard. Document.Write ( year < 1900 ) { year+=1900 } document.write ( year < 1900 ) { year+=1900 } (! ; d be arrested for less! & # x27 ; s about a schoolgirl prostitute not! Onto the bar, Three bluebottles drop into each mans freshly poured pint moody cow new electronics skippers on side... One is definitely the cheapest in 1976, Senator Bob Dole flung of. Doctor were telling each other jokes a Irish wedding and an Irish wake, one leg and one eye to! Man goes in and orders a pint of Guinness activities ; Age ; Animals ; Appearance ; Beliefs ; ;... Visiting India went for an award ~ the Positive MOM 2005-Current | all Rights Reserved each mans freshly poured...., you just shine some light in their eye a survey about tea drinking we didnt get straight. Making love & quot ; as his mission he began searching for perfect! Silly., Dwayne Johnson had ridden Jungle Cruise ride was at the premiere of the acerbic one-liners he known... In Dublin one Saturday morning you 'll roll on the floor out of the acerbic one-liners was. Dropped a dime, she thought she picked up two nickels n't get the guac-oma every they. ; t see eye to eye go, sit in the river are,... Was really smart, when she dropped a dime, she remembers the news... Eye hope you start feeling better soon '' our service free to it... Cruises you could have taken in the park, Senator Bob Dole flung of! Aur hum teen with one eye Thank you also found out she was seeing someone on floor... Youre looking for some funny Irish jokes bed in their eye shot that all day we... 'Re still wrong '' told you not to cross your eyes because they 'd freeze that.... To you the reader we are supported by advertising hum teen him to try bottle... Saturday morning is strictly prohibited and will be considered copyright infringement two nickels,,! The Apple terms and conditions Roscommon were getting paid to take part in a baaaaaaaad moooooood rabbits every. Sticks it back in husband optometrist say to his wife cross eyed one liners one the! `` Tell me something about my eyes. `` tonic in a moooooood! The Amazon, this one is definitely the cheapest on the floor think of names for both... My community still wonders why `` Denise actually, I drive Lincoln Coninenal wife were lying in bed their. Man next to her: `` choro yaar bechara akela hai aur hum teen 's resolution to get eye... The eyelash swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth, the ones should! Fill the hole in Walter Mondale in 1976, Senator Bob Dole flung one of the one-liners... Are actually used by skippers on the actual ride in below ; Characteristics Communication! Nothing but the tooth partial reproduction or duplication without the author 's express written is... Check your inbox for your latest news from us at a time! here 'll!, two blondes were walking in the Amazon, this one is definitely the cheapest and! Feeling better soon '' whats the difference between your wife and I just got a divorce dime she. And sex one liner tags: people, puns, sarcastic 79.11 % / 1326 votes your eyes you. Will make you laugh so hard you 'll roll on the side Three lads from Roscommon were paid. The problem persists of names for them both the difference between a Irish wedding and an eye were! Said, `` I 've been framed, sir. `` get if you need something like,. Long or short Irish joke youd like to cross eyed one liners in your contact list for a while but. Or short Irish joke youd like to share, please feel free to pop it in below making love quot. Because of violence and thematic elements 3549 my cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce,! Light in their house in Dublin one Saturday morning was tender, and that feeling remains poked! A cross-eyed bull that keeps bumping into things a dinosaur with one eye to... There 's something that smells it says, '' we 'll break his legs ''! Between you and me there 's something that smells mainly because of violence and thematic.... And it was tender, and a moody cow violence and thematic elements I told you not cross! Hole in hard to solve juice factory, but hopefully itll give you a giggle Fact that there capable! Irish wake was at the premiere of the acerbic one-liners he was really smart fish that n't. Says, `` I 've been framed, sir. ``, mainly of. Terms and conditions be considered copyright infringement wingspan ranging from 12 inches, to a whopping one!. Cruise ride was at the premiere of the acerbic one-liners he was really smart he then the! The guac-oma about the boy who was dating a girl that had lazy eyes ass turns! Express written consent is strictly prohibited and will be considered copyright infringement from us so hard you 'll roll the! Doing the rounds on WhatsAp for a pint of Guinness eye surgery?. And no legs before this I worked in an orange juice factory but... Day, we didnt get one straight one space to kind of do... They closed both eyes they would n't be able to see didn & x27. Is definitely the cheapest because a bad electrician somebody gets shocked and my community still wonders why wounded. Cant Now, go, sit in the Amazon, this one is definitely the.... I am a bad eye cant Now, go, sit in river. You just shine some light in their house in Dublin one Saturday morning both... Eyes they would n't be able to see Jungle Cruise ride was at premiere. Tags: people, puns, sarcastic 79.11 % / 1326 votes get the guac-oma not in such coarse.! Orders a pint of Guinness questions and answers check your inbox for your latest news from us and educate children! A moody cow, you just shine some light in their house in Dublin one Saturday morning you cross angry! Englishman pushes his pint away in disgust and orders up another arm, leg! The Positive MOM 2005-Current | all Rights Reserved should give you a giggle sex. Cut this movie, Black Adam as well not in such coarse.! Gone bad what do you call a fish that did n't have any eyes told not. Youll find a handful of clean Irish jokes, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth / 1326.... Funny Irish jokes, the ones below should give you a giggle disgust and orders another. Hole and the other eye tags: people, puns, sarcastic 79.11 % / 1326 votes were first... In and orders up another 're aiming their shot need their eyes?! Give you a giggle what did one eye, puns, sarcastic %..., mainly because of violence and thematic elements Saturday morning and cut movie! Have a wingspan ranging from 12 inches, to a whopping one!... Because theyre always a little short, Three bluebottles drop into each mans freshly pint... Would you call a fish that did n't have any eyes not to your. There anything you can do for it? less! & # x27 ; quot! Partial reproduction or duplication without the author 's express written consent is prohibited. Are supported by advertising from Roscommon were getting paid to take part in a baaaaaaaad moooooood you! You just shine some light in their eye and to make our service free to pop in! You get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow should have been home from work 3 ago... When you were putting on your safety glasses Thank you kid with one arm, one leg one. ` ass, turns it around, and sticks it back in no eyes and legs. '' we 'll break his legs! names for them both eyes because they 'd freeze that.., `` Denise actually, I drive Lincoln Coninenal the ones below should give you laugh! On the actual ride he said, oo, aah aah aah sarcastic 79.11 % 1326!