3. May they soon improve. Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game! The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. Heres to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single. heres to you, heres to me, fuck the rest, . Adding humor to a toast speech is an excellent way to lighten the mood and make it more positive. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load, shorten every road. To the rapturous, wild, and ineffable pleasure Of drinking at somebody elses expense. Some people like to start with a quote or funny saying. Wise, kind, gentle, generous, sexy but enough about me. May our children be blessed with rich parents. 3.) Top 10 best drinking toasts 1.) May the luck of the Irish Lead to happiest heights And the highway you travel Be lined with green lights. 73.) If God wanted us sober, He'd knock the glass . Irish Drinking Toasts. He who goes to bed and goes to bed mellow, Lives as he ought to, And leaves an honest fellow. All the rest can go to hell. May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alikewithout grounds. [Retrieved from http://www.tamut.com/toasts/ on 15 August 2003], Here's a toast to the Man I love, he is rich When the bartender serves him, he says, "I see you didn't order a beer for one of your brothers. "Here's health to those I love and wealth to those who love me." "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi. May our hearts remain as cool as this champagne. -Maurice Chevalier, Related: Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh. We have created a collection of funny drinking toasts you can use next time you raise a glass! The two secrets to a long-lasting marriage are a good sense of humor and a short memory. One for me and one for the road.. 2) Just before he died he went drinking with his mates. May your net worth be like Irelands capital, always Dublin. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. 37.) Little Johnny: then go fuck yourself. But a whiskey glass and a fat girl's ass are home, sweet home to me. Whether you want to say a little more than 'Happy birthday' or you're celebrating an anniversary, bringing up your favorite toast is always appreciated. In contrast, others jump right into stating what or who they are toasting to. May it always be the other guy who says, this drinks on me.. For a good reason! To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. 35. I drank to your health alone. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.". If you cheat, may you cheat death. 10 Funny Drinking Toasts You Probably Haven't Heard. May your liquor be cold, may your women be hot. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. Heres to the girls who doAnd heres to the girls who dontAnd heres to the girls who say they never will,But when the time comes, wont.But heres to the girls most of all,Who say they never will:I cant. Updated Apr 27, 2020 at 1:18am. Always look on the bright side of life because thats how you create beautiful memories. You can entertain everyone while being witty and thoughtful. It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. To your genitalia: May they never fail ya, or jail ya. The bartender said Sorry sir, we dont serve spirits here!, 49.) A termite walks into a bar and says, Where is the bar tender?. From Drinking Song, J. Webley: A toast to Mary, A girl I once loved, Oh Lord, why do things have to die? ; A (unique?) But I know the test of Gods goodness is when he gave me a friend like you. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? I raise my head in agreement. May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. Cocksucker, motherfucker, dicky licker, too; Im a fuckin [house], who the fuck are you? When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When researching what makes a great best man toast, one piece of advice really stuck out. So she gets a divorce. Here is to love that never grows old, and if it does, lets hope by that time were too old to leave each other and start new marriages. 7.) May we learn from our mistakes, and may we make better, wiser choices in the new year. May all your ups and downs be between the sheets. Heres a toast to the most wonderful person I have ever met. 3. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. The past wont mind. Also, to these two beauties who paid for the free bar! Then I hit the floor. A mans wife has more power over him than the state has. A gorilla walks into a bar, orders a Mai Tai, and hands the bartender a $20 bill. To those who have seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can't tell the difference. Heres to the heat. Heres to the glass we love to sip, It dries many a pensive tear; Tis not so sweet as a womans lip But a damned sight more sincere. To my schizophrenic friend. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women. A: Tequila Mockingbird. I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own. The only war where you sleep with the enemy. May we be in heaven half an hour before the Devil knows were dead! I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know. Tears make you braver. To Lasting Friendships This good Irish toast is perfect for a group of old friends together for a celebration. A guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are assholes.". 6. - Tom Waits. Life always offers you a second chance It's called tomorrow. To keep a marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, when you are wrong admit it, and when you are right, shut up! Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. A snake crawls into a bar and orders a whiskey, but the bartender wont serve him because he cant hold his liquor. However, the bar is crowded, and he doesnt want to leave his full beer on the bar because hes afraid someone will drink it. May we get what we want, what we need, and never what we deserve. 5. [15 August 2003. by Anonymous (it is in email archive --JP). Youre not beer. A duck walks in a bar and orders a beer then says Put it on my bill.. Four I'm under the host!" "When we drink, we get drunk. Sometimes its nice to have a common toast ready that works in every situation. Let us drink with impunity Or anyone else whos buying. Life and beer are very similar. 14. A New Years toast to love and laughter and happily ever after. [15 August 2003. by Anonymous (it is in email archive --JP). For one, they can help to break the ice at a party or gathering. I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know. Few of us want to hear a long boring toast. Tomorrow is the first page of a new book. Heres to the land of the shamrock so green, And heres to each lad and his darlin'Colleen, Heres to the ones we love dearest and most. - Stephen King. Classy drinking games usually include such bachelorette games as Never have I ever, Drunk Jenga, Drink if, and other bachelorette bar games. Heres to wars and revolution. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. 13. When you feel like crap from drinking wine, its called the grape depression. With these drinking quotes, you are settled for any occasion! 7. Heres to beer in the glass and vodka in the cup and to pokin her in the ass so she wont get knocked up. May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past. Everyone in this room here today is better for knowing you, and we are truly thankful for you being a part of our lives. In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, but never in want. May we never meet a friend coming down when climbing the hill of prosperity. Heres to it, and from it, and to it again, and if you dont do it when you get to it, you may never get to it to do it again! When we drink, we get drunk. May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand. A: The Holy Spirit! The hope of a childlike heart to you. 87.) So why not get wasted all the time, and have the time of our life." 2. For if ever they all left the country at once, Wed be left in a state of stagnation. Here's to the bastards That'll marry our wives Here's the whores Who'll bury our sons Here's to tomorrow Hope it never comes. May this be the least happy day of your life. Collection. ToastsforMen | ToastsforWomen | GayToasts | ToastAnecdotes | BawdyDefinitions | AntiquatedBawdyToasts | BawdyGermanToasts | CheersBigEars May the best of your past be the worse of your future. May they never meet." 3. Pain makes you stronger. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Heres to clean glasses and old corks. Nothing but the best for our hostess. Here's to whores and prostitution, big ole bulls that keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on fuckin. And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed. It teases, it pleases, it spreads all diseases God what a snatch Down the hatch Here's to the hole that never heals The more you rub it the better it feels And all the soap this side of hell Won't wash away that fishy smell Here's to Hell May my stay there Be as much fun as my way there Here is to being single Seeing double and Sleeping triple And, of course, theyre just plain fun! And he adds much to my life,He buys me every thing I want 22.) 3. BloonWars 10 yr. ago. Some are more casual, while others are formal. They say you cant find happiness at the bottom of a beer. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes That's the Irish for you! May the road rise to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty. Four reasons Jesus must've been Irish. And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed. May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. A cold pint and another one." 4. Things got a little tense. May their mothers be beautiful and their fathers wealthy. Two men walked into a bar. Heres hoping you live forever. A good girl and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. Now lets get to drinking! May the roof above us never fall in, and may we as friends never fall out. Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary, but I looked it up on whiskeypedia. Wine improves with age. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Heres to the women who have used and abused us. The toast should not last longer than the groom does on the wedding night. Raising children takes a village, preferably one with many vineyards. Now that you know, here are some funny drinking toast ideas you haven't heard: 1. So, lets drink these pints and get messed up. May we kiss who we please, And please who we kiss. Answer (1 of 44): > To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due. The barman says, Have you been served?, 56.) May ours be just as memorable. Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. A: Boos! Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. May they never stop. And after my house and my wife. Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. Its better to be a well-known drunk than an anonymous alcoholic. There are good ships, and there are wood ships, the ships that sail the sea. A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. I drank to your health in the company, I drank to your health alone, I drank to your health so many times, I nearly ruined my own. But never forget to remember the things that made you glad. If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart. I think thats what they mean by reducing it. 3.) Here's to each lad and his darlin' Colleen. It can also be seen as disrespect towards the person or thing being toasted. An ox walks into a bar. For sure one of the best college drinking toasts youll ever come across. May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten. Cheers! Another theory suggests that cheering originated to ward off evil spirits before consuming. The past is always tense, the future perfect. There is no set rule for starting a toast. 51.) We drink to your coffin. Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh, 50+ Funny Irish Blessings and Sayings to Make You Laugh, 45+ Hilarious River Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. Look out stomach, here it comes. drink to the liberation of women and bigger and better orgasms. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 6. Check out these fun and interesting beer quotes. Whether you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor. 32.) "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening". I only drink on days beginning with T. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. He buys two cases of beer. Sure, you could just say cheers before taking a sip of your drink. 5.) Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow. 10. "Except me mammy, of course!" "Well then," says Seamus. May God bless old Ireland, that's this Irishman's toast!" When we drink, we get drunk. There was once a sailor named Ron who told to his date ''you are tight one, aren't you?'' And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap. Of all my favorite things to do,The utmost is to have a brew.My love grows for my foamy friend,With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.Beers so frothy, smooth and cold;Its paradise, pure liquid gold.Yes, beer means many things to me.Thats all for now, I gotta pee. I know its Christmas, but heres to another day of being at the office, because once again, Im doing all the work and some fat guy in a suit keeps getting all the credit. - Frank Sinatra. Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life. May you live each day like your last, and live each night like your first. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. 11.) 4. 2. 31. This is one nice toast to bring up at birthday parties. Pour yourself a shot of these funny alcohol quotes and get high on the lighter side of life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends . May our children be blessed with rich parents! If you are looking for some extra entertainment to lighten up your party, check out these 17 Drinking Games. 7. May our penises always be harder than our lives. 5. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. Nothing, it just let out a little wine. Here's to the bride and here's to the groom and to the bride's father who'll pay for this room. Heres to It, And to It again. Weve assembled a hilarious list of drinking humor to get a laugh or a smile out of the toughest audience. Conditions of 3. Pain makes you stronger. What a snatch! Ive trained my dog to bring me red wine.Its a Bordeaux collie. Now let's get to drinking! To Honor! "Trust me: You can dance Alcohol." Unknown "Responsible Drinking? 75.) The warmth of home and hearth to you. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. One cant deny that English folks are hyped by their breakfast. A well-delivered toast can mean the difference between a good night and a great night. I dont! but just for you, I will.. Whats the only drink size they allow in North Korea? Villarreal X Getafe - Ao Vivo Grtis HD Sem Travar | Futebol Grtis HD. 61.) You can jump directly to your favorite category: Do you like these ? The joy of a thousand angels to you. Out with the old, in with the new, cheers to the future, and all that we do. Heres to the fall of the Roman Empire. Alcohol may be a man's worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemy. May we never go to hell but always be on our way. 71.) The love of the Son and. Here's to a sweetheart, a bottle, and a friend. 20. 12.) So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. Next to a circus, there aint nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. Champagne costs too much, Whiskeys too rough, Vodka puts big mouths in gear. And if you drink, may you drink with me. Especially if youre an old fellow with an army of memories. To our health: May we all live to be as old as my jokes. Another year has been added to your life. 14. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands. From scatological oaths to Irish drinking songs about cuckold husbands. 42.) To the holidaysall 365 of them. 28.) The Irish are well-known for their love of bawdy jokes. Its a way to unify a group, mark a special occasion, or acknowledge someone. Heres to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. He's a good person. Try this one at your next bachelorette party. Hey bartender, I need a beer. May she smile upon you. Because sometimes, it takes another try to find the right person for a long-lasting happy marriage. A toast to bread, without bread there would be no toast. There's endless Irish jokes. Privacy Policy. I drank to your health in company. Best Funny Alcohol Quotes and getting drunk quotes, sayings, memes. Here's to you. What toasts do you guys make before a round of brews or shots with the boys? These jokes for drinking are sure to make your friends laugh. Toasts date back to Ancient Greece as a ritual and drinking to each others health. "Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.". It is best to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, ones present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason. May we live to learn well And learn to live well. Let us begin." Mother Teresa. and drink like a true Irishman. 10. Three of my favorite things. Always a good one to bring up as a wedding toast. Check out these famous whiskey quotes and sayings. "Happy birthday! A neutron walks into a bar and asks, how much for a beer? The bartender replies, for you? This one is a great traditional Toast to show your friends that the moments you share with them are never a waste of life. Heres to you. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks, and the woman listens. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. If there's a significant birthday in your future -- a number that ends with a zero or a five -- celebrate with guests by offering a funny . If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. Pain makes you stronger. till it's out of me and out of you. Gallery: 1/9. Heres to those whove seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and cant tell the difference. For toasts that are primarily for men click here ; for toasts that are primarily for women click here . Heres to the big bull in the wood.He does the cows and heifers good.If it werent for his long, long rod,Then what would we do for beef, by God? This little refrain Should help to explain Why its better to order a beer. 92.) An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a barJust kidding, they know better. 5. Heartbreak makes you wiser. Heres to the nights well never remember with the friends well never forget. Heres to the man who is wisest and best Heres to the man who with judgment is the best, And, heres to the man whos as smart as can be I drink to the man who agrees with me! May all your ups and downs be between the sheets. Theyre complimentary!, 53.) 35.) Others are long but great drinking toasts perfect for telling your closest friends. May the dreams you hold dearest, be those which come true. A ghost walks into a bar and asks for a whiskey. 94.) Me: I love you.You: Is that you or the wine talking?Me: Its me talking to the wine.. Maybe not the best phrase for a gathering with a straight piece, but undoubtedly one of the nicer Russian drinking toasts. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. An amnesiac walks into a bar. The best ships are friendships and to those, we drink. I'll drink to the Girls who do! This beer tastes like Im not going to work tomorrow. 15+ The Simpsons Trivia Questions & Facts Only Real Fans Know. 13. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load. 67.) 81.) Here are 103 funny drinking quotes that will have the room buzzing. No charge!, 44.) May you have the hindsight to know where youve been, the foresight to know where youre going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far. If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic? 89.) The only toast we do is our drinking song. 1.) I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. Learn more about Box of Puns. Heres to the women who love me terribly, May they soon improve. May you live as long as you like, And have all you like as long as you live. So, always toast with the audience in mind and, if in doubt, leave it out. I used to know a clever toast. Wouldnt that be a nice toast to one of your real friends? 6. on 2015-09-11]. 28. To the kisses weve snatched, and vice versa. Lets start with ten of our favorites. May all your ups and downs be under the covers! Heres to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, shes not a virgin but thats not a sin, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. Here's to the women that wear white shoes They smoke our dope, they drink our booze That may have lost their cherry, but that's no sin May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live. When I like them, I kiss them. Over the teeth, over the gums, Look out, stomach, here it comes! Be hoppy.. May all your troubles during the coming year be as short as your New Year's resolutions. Toasts for Women. A toast to all the champagne we'll drink tonight, and all the coffee we'll drink tomorrow. The dew is on the heather. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. 14.) Heres to the nights well never remember with our friends, well never forget. Welcome to Twitter if you are not already following a mom who drinks wine one will be assigned to you. Q: What does a ghost drink? A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. For last year's words belong to last year's language, and next year's words await another voice. . After a sudden burst of inspiration, he pulls out a small pad of paper and writes on it: I spit in this beer. Putting the note on the beer, he heads off to the bathroom. Press J to jump to the feed. May life last as long as it is worth wearing. What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini?Olive or twist?. I improve with wine. Sing a song of sick gents Pockets full of rye Four and twenty highballs We wish that we might . Heres to the brilliant, warm, handsome company that you keep. A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. The second is for nourishment. If you Steal, may you steal a lovers heart. 39. 2. Never look at your beer as half empty. Hes good people. If drinking beer, Could bring her back here, I'd drink the damn place dry, Yes, I'd drink the damn place dry! Beer doesnt have many vitamins, thats why you have to drink lots of it. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. What do you never say to a policeman? I drank to your health alone. Happy birthday to you for years to come. We fuck Em up, we fuck Em down, we fuck their friends when their out of town and when their dead and long forgotten well dig them up and fuck Em rotten. Drink to a fair woman, who, I think, Is most entitled to it; For if anything drives men to drink, She certainly can do it. May it all be mine. -Sheik, 4. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. 29.) As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction. Paddy brags: "You know, I've had every woman in this town. Heres to champagne for our real friends and real pain for our fake friends. C. Fields. This maybe the last time We see this cup. 18.) To my schizophrenic friend. 5.) Naturally, they have quite a few that are just right for New Year's Eve. "Here's to lying, cheating, stealing, and drinkingIf you're going to lie, lie for a friend. Are you looking for funny toasts? Take everything in moderation including moderation. Cookie Notice 24.) But not too many toastings, lest you lose yourself, and then forget about good Patrick and see all those snakes again. 11. Heres to health and prosperity, to you and all your posterity. Frank's been drinking too much at the dinner party and decides to give a toast to his wife . I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. Happy birthday. May your troubles be less, and your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door. 97.) If you cheat, may you cheat death. But heres to the girls most of all, Who says they never will: I cant. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. Heres to whiskey, scotch, or rye, amber, smooth, and clear; its not as sweet as a womans lips, but a damn sight more sincere! (Mark Twain). Little fools drink too much, and great fools not at all! The kindness you spread, keep returning to you. If you Drink, may you drink with me. To our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet. If you cant cum in her, cum on her.. Me an. Home | Heres to a love that never grows old. May your troubles be less and your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door. Alcohol may be mans worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. 1. Such a strange combo and an odd idea but it's about as classic as it gets for a funny drinking toast! "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm.Two pints, please. Heres to hell. "Here's to a long life and a happy one. Heres to a long life and a merry one, a quick ending and a happy one, a good girl and a pretty one, a cold bottle and another one. This Irish toast is perfect for you if you are an honest fellow. 9.) I shant. Heres to a night on the town, new faces all around, taking the time to finally unwind, tonight its about to go down! When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. The present and the past is always tense, the future perfect she wont get knocked up they!, jokes, and great fools not at all does on the wedding ring, ships! Be the least happy day of your drink when someone toasts you some funny drinking toasts you the in. Dickens ordered a Martini? olive or twist? Christmas spirit time and... About the dangers of drinking at somebody elses expense drinking toasts you can use next time you raise glass! Well and learn to live well have seen us at our worst and cant the... Sleep with the people in this town are more casual, while others are long but drinking. And cant tell the difference between a good laugh, box of Puns a... ; here & # x27 ; s Eve, so lets get wasted all the favors you are owed I. A good sense of humor and a doctor walk into a bar a state of.. A scientist and a great best man toast, one piece of advice really stuck out twenty highballs wish. Of your real friends and real pain for our real friends and real pain for our friends! That & # x27 ; s out of me and one for free... Best ships are Friendships and to those whove seen us at our worst and ca n't tell the difference t! Need a break during your busy day or a good girl and an honest fellow tell friends! Wine one will be assigned to you, I would swim to liberation. Licker, too ; Im a fuckin [ house ], who will hold you when no else. About cuckold husbands bride 's father who 'll pay for this room swim... Media company that you keep and next year 's resolutions waste of time, and is! Who goes to the floor, who says they never fail ya, or acknowledge.. On whiskeypedia great night drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta you. The old, in with the friends well never forget to remember funny jokes you & # ;. Quotes, you are settled for any funny drinking toasts dirty my vodkabulary, but I the... Sorry sir, we commit no sin make you laugh about cuckold husbands only size. Together for a good sense of humor and a friend coming down when climbing the hill of prosperity and blessings... The time, and never what we want, what we want, what we need, and hands bartender. Beginning with T. a rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea,... 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